How to instantly create a shift in your clarity of purpose

At the end of your life, how do you want people to feel about you?

In this episode, I invite you to use one of the tools presented by Danielle Cobo in her episode on Tuesday to help you define your purpose in life. Yes, I'm going to ask you to write your own obituary.

Is this activity a bit morbid? Maybe. But it's incredibly enlightening, in the best way, uncovering your core values so you can align your daily actions to the mark you truly wish to leave on the world.

This practice is like holding a mirror to your deepest intentions, fostering clarity to propel you toward your most meaningful ambitions with determination.

As I share my personal epiphanies from this practice, I invite you into this space of vulnerability and discovery, too.

Here's how to do the exercise:
1. Write your obituary based on what you think people would say today.
2. Write your obituary based on how what you'd like people to say when you die.

Let me know how it goes!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hi and welcome to Untethered with GenLists, the podcast that's here to help you break free, be you and unleash your inner brilliance. I'm your host, jen, and in today's episode we're going to talk about how to instantly create a shift in your clarity of purpose. Let's dive in. Hey there, unicorn. It's Jen. Welcome back to the podcast. It's a Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Today we are threading out a little piece from Danielle Kobo's episode on Tuesday. Totally cool If you haven't listened to Danielle's episode. She wrote a book about grit and she does have so many fascinating things to share. I highly recommend going back and listening to the episode. Whether you do it now or at the end doesn't matter. I'm pulling out a little nugget and something that she shared. She shared with us so generously One of the activities from her upcoming book. Actually, her book just came out yesterday. You can officially go buy it it's in the show notes. You can go check it out if it's something that you want to buy.

Speaker 1: 1:16

But she shared with us one of her really powerful activities. What we are talking about is clarity. She said you cannot really work toward your goals. You cannot apply all of that unstoppable grit that you have inside of you, that determination, cannot apply it to something that is really going to drive you toward your goals unless you have clarity, clarity of your purpose. Now, this is so interesting because and she actually said the same was true for her and all of the research that she does time and time again, I ask people what do you need? What do you need, what do you need? And a lot of times I hear clarity. I need clarity, and I feel this for myself too. We all have this. I just want clarity. That's what I want, that's what I need. Focus and clarity, those are the two of the things that I hear all the time. She was like, yes, me too. It's so important. She said let me give you this one activity that is going to shift it.

Speaker 1: 2:19

This activity came to her in a very real, visceral way. She was sitting down to write her mom's obituary. Her mom passed away and she was in the situation of having to sit down and write her obituary. She realized how difficult this is. She was like, well, maybe I should do this for myself first, maybe that would be easier and then I could do it for my mom, and she found how challenging that was to write her own obituary. So what she did is she goes on social media and she said hey, everyone give me three words that describe me. She just needed something. And it's so interesting because this is one of the things that I recommend. I've recommended it in other episodes and I recommend it to everybody who I ever coach with Go and put on social media and say what is the value that you see that I offer to the world and you can also ask that question in a million ways.

Speaker 1: 3:11

Her ways was to simply say what are three words that describe me? That's another that people instantly are going to tell you the value. You'll get some really really long and beautiful responses, though, if you ask it the first way that I phrased it. So, if you're feeling nice and vulnerable, I highly recommend that activity, with the intention of doing this activity right here that she suggests, because I just did it for myself and I have to tell you the clarity that you gain when you sit down to write your own obituary, and I actually suggest that you do it two ways.

Speaker 1: 3:49

First, sit down and write the obituary, the really really honest one, like what are the things that people would say about me today If they were, you know, not even just like in the obituary, but like at the funeral, envisioning people having the conversations about you and telling the stories about you. What are some of the things that they would say? Because when I sat down to write mine, it's like you know, jennifer was a really kind and caring person. Funny, when I talk about myself in the third person, I'm Jennifer, not Jen. She was a kind and caring person. In fact, she often would put herself last. That was the first sentence that came out. Like, in fact, she often would not put her own needs before others.

Speaker 1: 4:40

So those write out the really really honest obituary and don't. Don't get in there and say, oh, this is wrong or this is right, just let it freestyle out of you. What are the things that would be said about you? There's no judgment here, it's just what are the things that would be said about you. Let it all all roll out and then, when you've completed that, step back and say, ok, what is the obituary that I would love to have written about me? Now, for me, the difference, and this might preempt your activity. So, if you want to pause, if you want to pause, this is a spoiler alert. If you want to pause and go do that activity and then come back to this you're so welcome to.

Speaker 1: 5:27

What happened for me was a power shift, a huge power shift, because when I sat down and I wrote the way that I would love for people to feel about me, the obituary that I would love to be written about me, the way that I want people to sit in that room and think about me I don't even actually care if people sit in a room and come and talk about me, just like go eat some good food together and have a party, go to Machu Picchu, go do something cool together and think about me. You don't have to bring my ashes, I don't give a shit, but what I really would. What rolled out of me when I sat down to do that version of my obituary how do I really want people to feel? Versus, how would they feel and what would they say? It was Jen made me feel amazing. Every time that I was in her presence, I was reminded of the powerful, amazing, incapable and confident human being who I get to be today.

Speaker 1: 6:35

The shift that happened for me when I wrote the obituary that I feel like people would say about me today, versus the one that I want people to say, totally turns the focus, very naturally, on exactly what Daniel was saying the other day. It turns the focus to your purpose. It turns the focus to what you want people to feel in your own world. What do you want people to feel? Because you get to create that feeling every single day. We're consciously creating all day, every day, and what you are seeking is seeking you. That is what I heard. This recently.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Somebody sent me this beautiful video from this woman who was talking about manifestation, and she said the thing that we forget is that somebody is looking for you right now. Somebody is looking for the thing that you are also looking for, and you can be the person to bring it to life. Somebody wants a hotel stay that is so freaking luxurious, where you get a butler and you get this whole wild experience. Your butler walks you up to your room. I had this experience last June, by the way. I didn't even know that this existed, but somebody out there wanted it, and so this hotel created that. That experience exists because somebody else wants it and you get to create it. That's why the Ritz-Carlton exists. You could be somebody else's Ritz-Carlton, in whatever way it is that you are bringing into the world Maybe it is some kind of.

Speaker 1: 8:07

I have a friend and a unicorn who's joined my coaching community who makes these amazing little sticky balls. What she wanted was, in the world for there to be a healthy treat that somebody would feel really good about. But they were also getting to indulge a little bit and there are people who are seeking that legitimately me. There are people who are seeking that product. Shout out to Diane and her sticky balls Gives goodies. Go to GivesGoodiescom and go check them out.

Speaker 1: 8:41

What you desire, what do you want to have in the world?

Speaker 1: 8:46

It is seeking you. Somebody else out there is seeking it. So when you sit down and you write that obituary, how do you want people to feel? That's also how you want to feel. We all want to feel certain things. What you want to feel is different from what I want to feel, but there are people out there who want to feel that same way and that is that clarity of purpose.

Speaker 1: 9:09

If you're one of those people and we all have these moments time and time and time again, because this is the human experience we feel like we're going down the path and everything is easy and then all of a sudden, we're like wait, how did I end up on this little tangential path? I don't even know where I am and we're looking around and we feel so lost. But we're actually only two steps off the path. All you need to do is turn back around and get yourself back on the path, or you can, with curiosity, choose to explore this little side tangent that you're on, knowing that your path is only two steps back. We can always go and get back on that path. One of the ways that you can get back on the path is to do this activity. So if you're finding yourself lost, if you're finding yourself with a lack of clarity right now, as you're listening to this podcast episode, please do this exercise. Do this exercise. It is really powerful for showing you how do I want people to feel.

Speaker 1: 10:12

Again, I was an experienced strategist. I created events for employees. I created experiences, and anytime that I sit down to create an event, a coaching session, a breathwork session, I begin it with how do I want people to feel at the beginning, at the middle, at the end? What do I want them to come away with from this experience? What do you want to come away with from this experience of life? What do you want other people in your human experience, those who you are interacting with, how do you want them to feel about you at the end, at the beginning, at the middle, at the end, from the very first time that they meet you? How do you want them to feel Halfway through? How do you want them to feel and at the end? But I always recommend start with the end in mind. Start at the end because we can always backtrack that back.

Speaker 1: 11:13

So this obituary activity, super powerful. So again, to recap this activity that can help you to gain so much clarity of your purpose as a human being on this planet, as an employee, as a business owner, as a mom, as just a friend, as anything, as a customer who walks into a restaurant, as somebody who interacts with other people, other animals, other beings on this planet. Write the obituary that you feel like people would say today and let freestyle it no judgment. And then write the one that you want people to feel and then step back and consider what are the shifts that I can make today that will move me more closer to this outcome, to this purpose. See what comes up for you. As with every Thursday Thread episode, we're going to end this episode today with a moment of breathing, a moment of connection, to pause and be present with ourselves, to be present with your unique sparkly magic inside.

Speaker 1: 12:24

So, if you are able, take a seat or be standing. You can do this while moving, as long as you keep your eyes open. If you're seated and able to close your eyes, that could feel beautiful. If you're driving maybe come back to this later Taking an inhale in through the nose, out through the mouth, bringing conscious awareness to your feet on the ground, maybe seeing if you can wiggle your toes and feel as many of your toes as you can Be, pressing the toes, the ballmounds, the heels of your feet, really feeling that support beneath you. There you go, when you're ready, bringing your awareness to the breath itself the cool air as it's moving into your nose, the warm air as it's flowing out, not trying to change or shift or manipulate your breath. It's noticing, noticing the rise and fall of the chest, the rise and fall of the belly and, if it feels good to you, maybe slowly beginning to move the belly a little bit more on each inhale, bringing more air down into the belly, lowering that diaphragm. Yeah, that's it. Trying to expand that belly, consciously, bringing in air into that low belly. And now, as you continue to breathe with those expansive belly, breaths into the nose, exhaling back out through the nose.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Question yourself a question how do I desire to feel today? What is the feeling that I am choosing for myself today? Bring your body answer. Maybe it comes in in the form of a sensation, a word, a thought. Maybe you get no response at all. How do I desire to feel today? Continuing with that conscious breath into the nose, out through the nose, expanding that belly when you're ready, drawing in one final inhale, filling up the belly through the nose, briefly pausing at the top before exhaling all that air out through the mouth, returning to your natural breath and inviting that feeling, that response, whatever it is that you desire, inviting yourself to step into that feeling, that sensation, choosing it right now, in this moment, and inviting yourself to remember to choose it every time you find yourself fearing away.

Speaker 1: 17:08

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I do hope that you gained something for yourself and that you really give that exercise a try. Thank you to Daniel Kobo for offering that exercise and that idea to us in Tuesday's episode. If you did gain something for yourself out of doing this exercise, out of listening to this episode, from this little bit of breath, I encourage you to share this episode, share this podcast with a friend. It would mean the world to me. You can also share it with all your friends by taking a screenshot of the episode itself. Share it on social media. If you tag me, I'm UntetheredGen on Instagram I will always reshare your posts. Thanks again for listening. You just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see. I'll see you next time. Bye.